I read a lot of Catholic blogs, and I really love them. Something about reading other people's opinions is so freeing, challenging, encouraging, and thought-provoking. However, something that I have noticed lately in my reading of Catholic blogs, is the frequency with which Catholics talk about relationships, the differences between men and women, and "theology of the body". Maybe I encounter this more because I am a single, young, Catholic woman, but it seems like every other day that a friend or two is posting articles about the "way it should be" when it comes to men and women.
This topic is SO challenging me, because if you have ever met me you know that I have really strong opinions about how men and women are different, and what relationships should look like, but for some reason all of these articles out there have recently been rubbing me the wrong way. In trying to explain to myself why these articles and opinions have been frustrating to me, I came to the realization that it is because everything in life is supposed to come down to Love. Charity. Truth. And Virtue. Last week in Confession, the priest (Jesus, really) told me that the source of all encouragement is the LORD, and the source of ALL discouragement is SATAN. I was feeling SO discouraged, and the priest told me to send Satan back to where he belonged- HELL.
Why am I telling you this story? Because I think that all of us young Catholic men and women need to focus more on ENCOURAGING each other as brothers and sisters in Christ. I think the reason these articles have been difficult to handle lately is that they are starting to become sources of discouragement- which is straight from hell itself. I know SO MANY amazing, young, Catholic, single, men and women, and not one of them needs to be told to "man-up" or "how to be a REAL woman." What all of us do need, is encouragement in our walk with Christ.
A few months ago, I made a list of things that I wanted in a future spouse. I never wanted to do this, because I have always passionately believed that you fall in love with people, not a list or resume.It's funny to read it now because in making this list, I am realizing that it is a list that describes the virtues that I am striving to obtain for myself. Anyway, at the risk of ignoring my own advice, I feel like these are the things that men and women should be looking for in their spouse, and striving to become in their own lives. (And because I am a girl, keep in mind that I am describing the qualities of a good husband.)
1. Catholic: I've never wanted to admit it but I think it is very important to have the same faith. There is just so much of me that a non-Catholic will never understand.
2. Integrity: I want someone who thinks differently about life. Who holds himself to higher standards than the world. When acting, does he ask "what is the morality of this action?" Typically, if a man lacks integrity, he has an attitude of "I deserve this" or "Everyone else does it, so why not me?"
3. Self-discipline: I want to be drawn into a disciplined life by a man. I hate that I am so undisciplined in so many areas of my life and I need others to help me accomplish this. So, what does discipline look like?
-Exercises consistently: I want to be with someone who recognizes the spiritual good of physical discipline. It's just healthy- mentally, physically, and spiritually.
- Prayer life: Not scattered or just when you feel like it. There is at least one discipline that must be done every day, like the rosary, daily mass, liturgy of the hours etc...
- Finances: Spending habits really matter! Are you impulsive or imprudent in making financial descisions?
- Purity: Total self-mastery in areas of purity. To be ready for a relationship a man must have overcome any previous struggles or addictions in this area. Are you able to set and keep boundaries? This is really a question- Are you capable of love?
4. Attitude of Thanksgiving and Simplicity: There is nothing more attractive than a man who looks at thier life with a deep sense of EVERYTHING being a gift from God. Also, I deeply desire a life of simplicity, calm, and gentle strength. Are you willing to forgo technology to hear God and be present to others?
5. Passionate: I don't really care what you are passionate about as long as it is something! Care about anything, invest in anything, be interesting! It is one of the deepest joys in life to be able to be included in something that brings someone else joy.
6. Madly attracted to the person they are with: Every girl wants to be with the guy who thinks she is crazy beautiful. We want you to see our beauty- physical and spiritual, because beauty is a pure gift from God, and you should appreciate it. :)
This is IT! That's the whole list. It's all I am looking for. And it is all that I want to become. I hope that this can be a source of encouragement for everyone! It doesn't matter how much money you make, what you do for a living, how many kids you want to have, what kind of music you listen to, how long you studied theology, who you voted for, or if you have seen Pride and Prejudice. All I want is someone striving for holiness. All I want to be is striving for holiness.
Encourage one another. Be holy.
