Coffee is my love language

I love Starbucks.

Say what you will about how they support gay marriage and abortion. They do, I won't argue with you. (Although, I suppose I will because they have ALWAYS offered benefits to homosexual partners of their employees and provided abortions with their healthcare coverage- why is everyone up in arms about this NOW that is a political hot-topic?)

But, I digress. Today I was sitting in Starbucks working on my homework for the upcoming Biblical school class that I am taking this fall. As soon as I walked in the door, I was greeted by name by one of the employees. This same employee, who I only know through my daily coffee ordering interaction, a few weeks ago asked me some very personal questions about my life. She knew that I was a youth minister across the street because of the fact that I bring a girl's bible study there in the summers. She asked me about "the guy that I always come in with." She determined that we used to be just really good friends, but have moved on to dating recently, just by observing our interactions with each other. When I make a point to get dressed up in the mornings, I can always count on this barista to comment on how pretty I look. She notices when I get a haircut. If I order a different drink, she asks why.

After I ordered, as I sat there with my computer and homework out, I just observed the customers. A granddaughter was having coffee with her grandparents and her phone was not on the table. A dad was eating breakfast with his toddler daughter, and infant son. There was a group of women chatting up a storm, who seemed to know every person that walked through the door. Other young people, like me, were doing work on their computers. 

Then as I sat there, plugged into the internet & my headphones, and elderly lady walks by my table and begins to talk to me. She asked me how I could see the Bible I was reading when the letters were so small. She proceeded to inform me that she didn't need glasses until she was 75, but just wait until I am 80 and I will understand what she is talking about. Then as she sat next to me, she turned to another young man with a computer out and began to talk to him for the next 20 minutes until she left.

As I was leaving and putting cream in my coffee, another woman at the bar asked me if I knew about the secret of baking soda. I told her I did not. She informed me that baking soda made into a paste and scrubbed with a toothbrush will get out any stain from anything. She told me to remember that, and then left.

I love Starbucks. This is why I love it. Part of the mission of Starbucks as a company is to be "the third place." People have their home, and their work, and Starbucks wants to be the third place. The place that people can go when they are tired or just need to get out of the house for a minute. The place that people can meet up with old or new friends and just shoot the breeze. The place where you are known. Where you are cared about. Where you can connect with other people in our increasingly disconnected world.

Does this sound familiar? It should. It SHOULD be the Church.  Our hearts were created to be KNOWN and LOVED. How is it that we go into a totally secular environment and leave with the experience of being known and loved, but sometimes when we walk out of our Church we leave with the experience of loneliness and apathy?

 I want to learn from my Starbucks barista. I want to start noticing people. I want to know them and love them. Jesus, help me to create an environment where people can truly encounter each other and through that meet You.

Freedom, love, & the Church

Yesterday at our annual all staff meeting at St. Thomas More, our pastor (my boss) Fr. Andrew spoke to us for about 30 minutes on Religious Liberty in America. He has been an outspoken proponent against the HHS mandate from the very beginning of the controversy. He spoke in plain and simple language as to why our Church is against this mandate and encouraged us all to stand up for our God-given right to protect our conscience. His tag line for the upcoming election was "Vote your conscience to protect your conscience because there are those who are trying to take it away."

I am one of the most conservative people I know. I campaigned for George W. Bush in college. I always vote party-line Republican. I believe in the values of the Republican party, and I consider Ronald Reagan to be one of my hero's. I am pretty much the definition of preaching to the choir, and I agreed with every word that he said.

However, I haven't been able to stop thinking about a lot of the emotions that his speech conjured up in me. The main point that has stuck with me that he made over and over again was the concept that all of us in the room were at risk of losing our jobs. That the federal government was making it their mission to ensure that all lay employees of the Catholic Church would be out of a job. In his words, the Cafeteria will close. The Church will survive, Mass will be said, but all of our ministries and programs will end if this law is not changed. 

After hearing all this I cant stop thinking about the type of Church Jesus founded. I think back to the apostles and the early Church and the relationship that they had with the government at the time. And the fact is, our Church fathers were persecuted for their faith. They had no rights given to them by the government and many (most) of them were martyred for their belief in Christ. I can't stop wondering if this is the martyrdom that we have to accept for ourselves in this day and age. I just looked around the room and I saw fear, but I don't want to be afraid to lose my job for this cause. In fact, I actually kind of want to. 

Which leads me to another wondering that I have been having. If I lost my job today, would that change any of my ministry? When did the call to love others, spread the faith, and live joyfully become something that you get paid to do? I feel like it is my job as a Christian to spread my faith and love others- when did it become a profession? And is it holy?

I guess I am just finding myself in that moment of stress that comes from working for the Church in a paid position. You find yourself seeing faith & Jesus sold like a product- planned, produced, and used. And all of it is so well-intentioned, but I catch myself in this as well. I give talks and I judge whether or not they are successful by the emotional response kids have, not by if I gave Glory to God. I sit in meetings and wonder if the Holy Spirit is really guiding all of this. Should we be judging the success of events on the numbers, or the professionalism of the speakers, or the smoothness of the facilities, or should we be judging on how they/we loved? And then I wonder if we should be there to HELP other people love. And then I go back to wondering how we as a Church were meant to be as Jesus established us. I wonder if he ever intended there to be full time youth ministry as a profession. 

Jesus, teach me how to love. Guide our Church, and give strength to the lay employees. Help us to never lose sight of You, first.

What women want...

I read a lot of Catholic blogs, and I really love them. Something about reading other people's opinions is so freeing, challenging, encouraging, and thought-provoking. However, something that I have noticed lately in my reading of Catholic blogs, is the frequency with which Catholics talk about relationships, the differences between men and women, and "theology of the body". Maybe I encounter this more because I am a single, young, Catholic woman, but it seems like every other day that a friend or two is posting articles about the "way it should be" when it comes to men and women.


This topic is SO challenging me, because if you have ever met me you know that I have really strong opinions about how men and women are different, and what relationships should look like, but for some reason all of these articles out there have recently been rubbing me the wrong way. In trying to explain to myself why these articles and opinions have been frustrating to me, I came to the realization that it is because everything in life is supposed to come down to Love. Charity. Truth. And Virtue. Last week in Confession, the priest (Jesus, really) told me that the source of all encouragement is the LORD, and the source of ALL discouragement is SATAN. I was feeling SO discouraged, and the priest told me to send Satan back to where he belonged- HELL. 


Why am I telling you this story? Because I think that all of us young Catholic men and women need to focus more on ENCOURAGING each other as brothers and sisters in Christ. I think the reason these articles have been difficult to handle lately is that they are starting to become sources of discouragement- which is straight from hell itself. I know SO MANY amazing, young, Catholic, single, men and women, and not one of them needs to be told to "man-up" or "how to be a REAL woman." What all of us do need, is encouragement in our walk with Christ.


A few months ago, I made a list of things that I wanted in a future spouse. I never wanted to do this, because I have always passionately believed that you fall in love with people, not a list or resume.It's funny to read it now because in making this list, I am realizing that it is a list that describes the virtues that I am striving to obtain for myself. Anyway, at the risk of ignoring my own advice, I feel like these are the things that men and women should be looking for in their spouse, and striving to become in their own lives. (And because I am a girl, keep in mind that I am describing the qualities of a good husband.)


1. Catholic: I've never wanted to admit it but I think it is very important to have the same faith. There is just so much of me that a non-Catholic will never understand.
2. Integrity: I want someone who thinks differently about life. Who holds himself to higher standards than the world. When acting, does he ask "what is the morality of this action?" Typically, if a man lacks integrity, he has an attitude of "I deserve this" or "Everyone else does it, so why not me?"
3. Self-discipline: I want to be drawn into a disciplined life by a man. I hate that I am so undisciplined in so many areas of my life and I need others to help me accomplish this. So, what does discipline look like?
-Exercises consistently: I want to be with someone who recognizes the spiritual good of physical discipline. It's just healthy- mentally, physically, and spiritually.
- Prayer life: Not scattered or just when you feel like it. There is at least one discipline that must be done every day, like the rosary, daily mass, liturgy of the hours etc...
- Finances: Spending habits really matter! Are you impulsive or imprudent in making financial descisions?
- Purity: Total self-mastery in areas of purity. To be ready for a relationship a man must have overcome any previous struggles or addictions in this area. Are you able to set and keep boundaries? This is really a question- Are you capable of love?
4. Attitude of Thanksgiving and Simplicity: There is nothing more attractive than a man who looks at thier life with a deep sense of EVERYTHING being a gift from God. Also, I deeply desire a life of simplicity, calm, and gentle strength. Are you willing to forgo technology to hear God and be present to others?
5. Passionate: I don't really care what you are passionate about as long as it is something! Care about anything, invest in anything, be interesting! It is one of the deepest joys in life to be able to be included in something that brings someone else joy.
6. Madly attracted to the person they are with: Every girl wants to be with the guy who thinks she is crazy beautiful. We want you to see our beauty- physical and spiritual, because beauty is a pure gift from God, and you should appreciate it. :)


This is IT! That's the whole list. It's all I am looking for. And it is all that I want to become. I hope that this can be a source of encouragement for everyone! It doesn't matter how much money you make, what you do for a living, how many kids you want to have, what kind of music you listen to, how long you studied theology, who you voted for, or if you have seen Pride and Prejudice. All I want is someone striving for holiness. All I want to be is striving for holiness. 


Encourage one another. Be holy.

Love is the Answer

Yesterday a parent came into my office to speak to me. She wanted to talk to me because her daughter had come to me admitting what a difficult time she was having at school, and at home. Eventually, her daughter admitted to me that she was depressed. When this parent sat down in my office, I was SO nervous. What do I know about these issues? How can I comfort or console this woman? Ultimately, I am 26 years old with very little life experience- how am I supposed to even pretend to relate to what this family is going through?


So I listened. And I realized- people have REAL problems. And I do NOT. I was so humbled that this woman chose to share part of her life with me. What have I ever done to be trusted to talk to? This whole last week, I have been COMPLETELY wrapped up in my own life- my problems, my fears, what does this all mean for me. Even in adoration I am approaching Jesus telling him all about my own insecurities and what I want to happen in my life. I'm not saying that doing that is necessarily a bad thing, however, I have totally lost sight of the real world. In the real world, people are deciding if they should stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of their children. In the real world, middle school teens are getting bullied. In the real world, people are dying. In my world, I am obsessing over whether a boy likes me. Lame.


At times like these I realize how much farther I really have to go to grow in holiness. I just wish that God would snap his fingers and make me the woman he created me to be. I HATE that I can be so self-absorbed. Yesterday, I was talking to a friend about what it really means to love. I think I should reflect more on this idea.


Here are a few of the things I came up with:


1. Love is a choice.
2. Love is the everyday action that you take when you wake up in the morning and think to yourself- "what can I do for this person, so that he/she KNOWS that I love them today."
3. Love means caring about the other person's soul more than your own gratification. This one seems so obvious, but especially in dating relationships it seems like we have this never ending list of what we "need" from our significant other. Then suddenly, the relationship becomes about me- what I want, what I need- instead of loving the other person for exactly who they are.


It's so easy for me to practice love with friends. Or imagine loving my future spouse this way. But when push comes to shove, I am called to love EVERY person that walks through my office doors this way. That means that I have to stop thinking about myself so much. I have to start being more intentional with everyday interactions. I can't do any of this without His grace. Jesus, teach me to love.

Learning How to Die

I have alot of random thoughts inside my head right now- and I'm not sure how they all really relate. But, hey, I kind of write this blog for myself, so what does it matter if it makes no sense to anyone else?  I wrote last time about my grandma being sick- and she passed away at the beginning of this month. The events surrounding her death have truly blown me away. My family history is so long and complicated and for a long time I had given up hope that we would ever find forgiveness or healing. And my prayer for her throughout the whole experience was for her to be given the grace of a holy death. She did recieve that grace. My dad was able to stay with her the month before she died. He taught her the rosary, got her baptized, confirmed, recieving last rites and holy communion. My dad came back from Ohio a different man. He forgave his mom, and stated that taking care of her dying was "the only important thing he had ever done in his life."

These events have gotten me thinking about my own death. And how my whole life should be lived as a preparation for the gift of death. My whole life, I've never really let myself think about dying. I mean, I do, but it seems so not relevant and scary that it is easier to just ignore the reality that EVERYTHING I do should be with my death in mind. My dad said that dying was "the best thing my grandma ever did in her life." I want people to say that about me. But more so, I want my life to reflect that I believe in dying.

I went to Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains today, and was overwhelmed with the experience. I asked my grandma in heaven to pray with me for those people. I struggle so much with the "Pro-Life" movement, and how unloving it really is. All of my reflections on death have led me to the conclusion that I just want to love without holding back. Really LOVE. And somehow yelling at women through microphones with bloody baby doll parts hanging from trees just doesnt strike me as loving. I was reflecting on what I would say to a woman walking in to Planned Parenthood if I ever had a chance to, and I realized the only thing I would want to say is that she is loved. Really loved. Regardless of the decision that she makes- God wants to LOVE her.

Last weekend I went camping with a few of my friends. I don't know why I am so surprised when God chooses to spoil me. Everything about the trip seemed perfectly designed to show me how loved I am. We got there late on Saturday and all of the camping spots were full- until we prayed and God gave us a spot. We went hiking and prayed and drove through the mountains in peace. Then it started POURING down rain, which I LOVE. Everything seemed perfectly designed for REST.  I wanted my weekend to teach me how to love deeper, and that is truely what I experienced. There is something so beautiful about just letting go of myself to actually love other people the way that they deserve- regardless of how they love me back.

Lord, teach me how to love. Teach me how to live. Teach me how to die.

Reflections in Ohio

I have spent the last week in Youngstown, OH with my father's family, due to the fact that my grandmother is dying. I've never actually known anyone who was near-death and I have to admit that the experience is both frustrating and sanctifying. I have so many thoughts about this experience and it has truly been a whirlwind of emotion. And, typically, in blog posts I try to summarize what I am thinking in neat little lessons to be learned, but this time I'm finding that I just don't have the energy. I just want to write about what I am experiencing and reflecting on.

First thought- being Catholic is HARD. And I suck at it. Everything about this experience has been difficult. This town, my family who I hardly know, I just don't get it. Youngstown is one of the most economically depressed areas of the U.S. and everyone here acts like it. This place is dying- there is a noticeable lack of hope and joy in people. And I walked off the plane in Canton thinking that I would be able to spread a little hope and joy, but people don't actually want that. So instead I have been watching T.V. for 24 hours a day, eating fast food every meal, and participating in the slow death that everyone here lives.

And what I have learned about myself is not pretty. I am full of ideals and very stubborn about what I think the right thing to do is. I want to control this process. I want to FORCE my Grandma to be prayerful and think about God and turn off the damn T.V. I want to force my family to care more about the spiritual realities in the works. I want there to be healing, and reconciliation in the brokenness of our family life. I think all of these desires are healthy, but what I am slowly realizing is that sometimes even our desires for good things can be uncharitable. I think I am learning that sometimes loving someone else means just watching the damn T.V. with them. Or letting go of the fact that maybe we will never actually be that close as a family, and just praying for God to intervene. I don't know.

A few days ago, our cashier at Wal-Mart told me that it was on her bucket list to go to Colorado someday. I was floored. I almost wanted to buy her the $200 plane ticket right then on my smart phone. (Trust me, I see the arrogance). I could not comprehend how a place like Colorado might be out of reach for someone. Or that they truly don't think that they will ever make it there. On this trip I have been overwhelmed with gratitude for my life. I live in a beautiful place, surrounded by wonderful friendships, and have been given a faith that sustains me. My dreams are SO big because of the life my family provided for me. I am so thankful for my life that could have been so different.

Yesterday, I made it back to Franciscan University of Steubenville, my alma mater. To say I was overwhelmed with love would be an understatement. I met up with a household sister who was a freshman during my senior year of college. She now works at the University and proceeded to spend the hour that we met for lunch thanking me for all of the ways our household, and me in particular, reached out to her during her freshman year. She testified to all of the ways God has healed her and formed her into a smart, mature, faithful woman through the witness of our sisterhood. I was encouraged, reaffirmed, and awed by the Holy Spirit. In ministry, we always say that we are "planting seeds." Some of the things that she mentioned being so important to her- like me bombarding her with peer pressure to come to Lord's Day the minute she moved in- I don't even remember doing. All I remember about that time in my life is that I had a deep committment to the Holy Spirit moving through me. What a beautiful reminder to trust the Spirit, and that years from now, what we say or do might actually be making a difference in people's lives. 

I was able to visit the places that formed me into the woman I am today. I am so grateful to have made the decision to attend that school. I would not be Catholic if it was not for that place. I need to remember that more often. It is a place of joy and peace. 

Last but not least, did you know that there are hipster bars even in Boardman, OH? It is everywhere people. 

(Ok, truly last) G.K. Chesterton & St. Josemaria Escriva are blowing my mind. 

"The appropriate word you left unsaid: the joke you didn't tell; the cheerful smile for those that bother you; that silence when you're unjustly accused; your kind conversation with people you find boring and tactless; the daily effort to overlook one irritating detail or another in those who live with you... this, with perseverance, is indeed solid interior mortification." St. Josemaria Escriva

Render Unto Caesar: Part 1 (Ron Paul)

“I’m here as a Catholic Christian and an American citizen -- in that order. Both of these identities are important. They don’t need to conflict. They are not, however, the same thing. ... No nation, not even the one I love, has a right to my allegiance, or my silence, in matters that belong to God or that undermine the dignity of the human persons He created.”-Archbishop Charles J. Chaput

Anyone who has ever met me knows that one of my deep passions in life is politics. In fact every time I hear someone say that you should never talk politics or religion with people that you love, I cringe. What else would I talk about? Sometimes I feel that without these two topics, I would become the most boring woman in the world. As we are well into an election year, one of the things that is striking me more profoundly than ever is that there is significant debates going on in Catholic circles regarding who is the “most Catholic” politician running for President.

Every election cycle, I am blown away by the fact that our one, unified, Catholic (universal) Church can have so many faithful people that COMPLETELY disagree on the role of government in society. Which made me even more excited to discover that one of my favorite publications, Relevant Magazine, wrote a series of articles discussing exactly that- how do Christians vote, and why. So I thought to myself, instead of demonizing other positions, or talking over each other, let’s open up the dialogue and try to see where each other are coming from.

I want to emphasize that each of the people that I asked to write the following articles are FAITHFUL, orthodox Catholics. Please do not write them off based on their politics. These are men and women who are passionately in love with Christ and His Church. That said, here is our first Article- on the Ron Paul Revolution! Kim is a dear friend and household sister of mine. She is the MOST passionate person I have ever met about Ron Paul, so I asked her to write why she is voting for him during this upcoming election. So, here it is (Edited by Jorge Hauman & me)… J

The Ron Paul Revolution

By: Kimberly Lenggiere

“Freedom is not defined by safety. Freedom is defined by the ability of citizens to live without government interference. Government cannot create a world without risks, nor would we really wish to live in such a fictional place. Only a totalitarian society would even claim absolute safety as a worthy ideal, because it would require total state control over its citizens’ lives. Liberty has meaning only if we still believe in it when terrible things happen and a false government security blanket beckons.” ― Ron Paul

My name is Kimberly. I am a faithful Catholic and a proud American. I am pro-life from conception to natural death. I look to the Bishops and the teachings of the Church to form my conscience. Because of my strong Catholic beliefs and my love of what our country was founded to be, I am voting for Ron Paul for president. Let’s begin with a brief overview of Congressman Paul’s record:

* He has never voted to raise taxes.

* He has never voted for an unbalanced budget.

* He has never voted for a federal restriction on gun ownership.

* He has never voted to raise congressional pay.

* He has never taken a government-paid junket.

* He has never voted to increase the power of the executive branch.

* He voted against the Patriot Act.

* He voted against regulating the Internet.

* He voted against the Iraq war.

* He voted against the bailouts.

* He voted against raising the debt ceiling.

* He introduced a popular bipartisan bill to audit the Federal Reserve.

* He does not participate in the lucrative congressional pension program.

* He returns a portion of his annual congressional office budget to the U.S. treasury every year.

Our man Ron is known as “Dr. No” on Capitol Hill. Why? Because the good doctor has never voted for legislation unless the proposed measure is expressly authorized by the constitution. The constitution is the important document our country was founded on that politicians these days seem to believe is irrelevant and not worth following, but I’m sure I’ll mention that later. Let’s focus now on his medical degree.

As a Catholic, I am very concerned that my president is pro-life. In fact, many Catholics become single-issue voters, focusing only on the issue of protecting life. Well my brothers and sisters in Christ, Ron Paul is a pro-life champion. He is an OB/GYN who has delivered more than 4,000 babies, and whose experience in science and medicine only reinforced his belief that life begins at conception. Dr. Paul also believes that life at all stages must be respected and protected –that a baby in the womb at any stage has a God given right to live that we cannot take away. As a physician, Ron Paul consistently put his beliefs into practice and saved lives by helping women seek options other than abortion, including adoption.  Ron Paul promises as president that he will continue to fight for the same pro-life solutions he has upheld in Congress, including:

·         Immediately saving lives by effectively repealing Roe v. Wade and preventing activist judges from interfering with state decisions on life by removing abortion from federal court jurisdiction through legislation modeled after his “We the People Act.”

·         Defining life as beginning at conception by passing a “Sanctity of Life Act.”

Ron Paul is the only candidate in the race with a medical degree. Consider the overreaching policies and mandates of ObamaCare.  I, for one, think it would be a good idea to have a man in office that understands how the healthcare industry works, and at the same time is willing to protect our religious liberties. Am I right or am I right? There is also an issue of the unconstitutionality of ObamaCare. Dr. Paul has a deep understanding of the Constitution.

This brings me to another point –his consistency. Ron Paul makes his promises and resolutions like every other politician, but there is a HUGE difference between Ron Paul’s word and the word of Gingrich, Romney, Santorum, Obama, or any other inconsistent and flip-flopping politician. Ron Paul has been saying the same thing for 30 years. He has the most consistent voting record of any politician in Congress. He is a man whose word we can count on, as opposed to a politician who is trying to win votes.

At Ron Paul’s website, you can find an executive summary of his plan to restore America. Check it out here. There are a LOT of issues to look at –bringing our troops home, stopping big government spending, protecting our liberties, protecting the right to life, restoring our economy, and so on and so on, but I am a bit worried that this article is running super long and going to lose your interest (although let’s be real, who could lose interest in Doctor Paul!?!?) so I am going to try to wind it down.

If we do not want Obama in the office, why would we vote for candidates with so many of the same campaign contributors? If Goldman Sachs is going to fund both Obama and Romney, it’s because they have a dog in the fight and need a president who will clean up the messes they make no matter how it affects the people of our nation.

So who is it that is donating to the Ron Paul campaign? Only the army, the air force, the navy… oh right, the men who actually defend our country. Military donors prefer Ron Paul –he has received more funding from our armed forces than any of the other candidates (Obama included) COMBINED. It isn’t just because he is the only veteran among the candidates, but because he understands why the rest of the world seems to hate America and what we need to do to restore our leadership and reputation. Don’t like Ron Paul’s foreign policy? Well, our armed forces and CIA leaders do, like Michael Scheuer (former head of the CIA’s Osama bin Laden Unit).

One more point for now: Obama. I am assuming most people are looking for any other candidate at this point. At least if you are reading up on Republican candidates, I would imagine it has something to do with finding an alternative. So can Santorum, Gingrich, Romney, or anyone else beat Obama? Probably not. Since campaigning began, polls have shown that Paul and Romney are the only real contenders against Obama, but we can be honest: Democrats would rather have 4 more years of this crap than vote for a Republican who isn’t going to do much better. However, the most recent Rasmussen poll shows a 2 point favoring of Paul over Obama. Fake conservatives like Santorum and Gingrich will lose to Obama because voters are tired of politicians who sell out their principles for party loyalty. We also know that “Paul-bots” will only vote for Paul in this coming election regardless of if he is running as a republican, constitutionalist, libertarian, or write-in, while close to every registered republican will vote for him if he is on the republican ticket.  

 No other candidate brings out so many diverse voters the way Paul does –he has won the youth vote in every state so far. He also draws out independents and even the Democrats who are unhappy with Obama’s “change.” I, for one, made the painful decision to become a republican only for the purpose of being able to vote in California’s primary.

Ron Paul also believes in the just war theory, which is incredibly important to us pro-life Catholics. Before the U.S House of Representatives in 2005, Ron Paul spoke with the intention of honoring JPII’s pro-life legacy. Dr. Paul stated, “I am pleased to pay tribute to Pope John Paul II. I would encourage those who wish to honor his memory to reflect on his teachings regarding war and the sanctity of life, and consider the inconsistencies in claiming to be pro-life but supporting the senseless killing of innocent people that inevitably accompanies militarism, or in claiming to be pro-peace and pro-compassion but supporting the legal killing of the unborn.”

 Dr. Ron Paul is a 12 term Congressman (which, let’s be honest, disproves the whole, “unelectable” theory). He understands the importance of upholding the constitution and preserving our liberties (the bigger our government the smaller our liberties, and our government is a freaking GOLIATH right now). He is pro-life, pro-freedom, and pro-America. He is the last true patriot. He is a doctor, a veteran, a politician, and a brilliant economist. Ron Paul knows history (which we are doomed to repeat if we do not learn from it). He knows we need a smaller government, less spending, and that we need to bring our troops home. He draws support from every walk of life.  I can’t think of a very eloquent way to wrap this up, but check out his campaign site – www.RonPaul2012.com.  Check out his stances on the issues. Watch his videos. Understand his beliefs. If you are trying to vote as close to a Catholic conscience as possible, Ron Paul is the only choice.

“Man, become who you are.”

A few years ago, I was listening to a talk given by one of my dear friends. Throughout the course of the talk, she consistently repeated this line over and over again, and it has stuck with me. “Man, become who you are.” Today in a particular way, I have been struck by this statement. At Mass, I was completely blown away by the fact that God wants MY heart. That He created my heart in a very specific way for a specific purpose and my entire mission in this life is to figure out who I was created to be, and mold my heart to that image. Lent is the time when the Church tells me to strip away all the things that I think are important in life, and return to the Lord with my whole heart. It is all over the liturgy throughout Lent.

“Create in me a clean heart, O Lord.”

“Rend your hearts, not your garments.”

“Your word, Lord, is spirit and life.”

“Indeed you love truth in the heart. Then in the secret of my heart, teach me wisdom.”

All of these reflections get me to thinking, who was I created to be? All good youth ministers know the answer to this question- I am a daughter of God, his beloved princess. I am beautiful, the crown of creation, and if I would just let Jesus romance me then life would be wonderful and we would dance off together into a land of no more pain and probably a TON of Starbucks coffee waiting for me. J

All of these thoughts and ideas are true. I WAS created beautiful, and women ARE the crown of creation, and God DOES want to dance with me… but the thing that I love most about lent is that it is about REAL life. Life in the dirt. Messy. Complicated. Painful & Joyful. A life that sometimes seems like there are no real answers. I wasn’t created to have a sanitized, white- washed life. I was created to have a FULL life. And a full life is messy.

I’ve been talking with friends lately about what it means to really LOVE Jesus. And for me, right now, I am feeling SO called to rethink everything. Do you ever get caught thinking, “who decided that this was the right way to live?” You graduate from college, get a job, pay your debt, get married, have kids, buy a house, and somehow that is life. And then we live telling ourselves that in order to love Jesus we just have to love others in these ordinary circumstances. And then we wonder why life still feels so unsatisfying.

But what if God wants more from you? From me? What if God wants me to live the life that I never really thought possible? I have no idea what that means, but I do know that it will involve risk. And I hate taking risks. I love being comfortable, safe, and home. But I don’t want to love comfort more than I love Jesus- that thought terrifies me. That somehow I would prefer convention to being the woman that God created me to be.

So all of these thoughts are forcing me to ask the question- who was I created to be? So, here is what I want to be:

1.      Simple- I want to be content with simplicity. Practically, that means that I want to reject materialism. I want to live justly and according to my means. I want to be debt free. I want to be satisfied with the gifts that God has given me. I want to be RIDICULOUSLY generous. I want to give to everyone who asks.

2.      Radical- I want my life to look different because I love Christ. I don’t want to live a Christianity that puts God into one box of my life, and never really makes it into other areas. I want to do things that other people think are CRAZY. Like actually sell all my stuff and give the money to the poor. Or actually live in community with others. Or, the most radical idea of all, actually ask Jesus what his dream is for my life.

3.      Beautiful- I want to RUN, not walk, RUN to beauty. I want to seek out beautiful things with my whole heart. For me this means mountains. Fabulous cups of coffee. Well-made beer. Outdoor concerts. Deep conversations. Deep Friendships. Road Trips. And Mass. And I don’t want these things just for the sake of entertainment- I want to find God through them. I also want to be a beautiful person. Not in the way that I look, but in the way that I love.

4.      Humble- I want humility. There is nothing more to say about that.

5.      Passionate- I want to be a person that speaks, acts, and lives with conviction. Even when I am wrong, I want others to respect that I took a stand. I want nothing more than to throw my whole self into every project, because to be lukewarm about anything in life seems terrible.

6.      Free- The most important to me and also the hardest. I want to be truly free in Christ. Free from fear, free from the opinions of others, free from society, free from materialism. I want to be free to love. I want to be whole.

Become who you are. Become who you are. Become who you are. Who are you? Let that thought haunt you for a while. Then ACT.

Your Story is Your Life

What if you decided to edit your life to make it a better story?

Today I was listening to a podcast entitled, “Your Story is your Life” by one of my favorite authors, Donald Miller. I highly recommend purchasing and listening to this talk, but, if you want a good summary of what he is talking about, visit Donald Miller's blog. In this talk, he asks the question- If my life was a movie, would anyone want to watch it? Or would it bore them to tears? And as I was listening to him ask these questions, I kept feeling challenged by a question of my own...

What if my story needs to be told?

For two months my friends have been encouraging me to write my thoughts out in the form of a blog. I have hesitated for a few reasons-

1.      Narcissism- In our culture today, we have a thousand different ways to say what we think about life- blogs, facebook, twitter. We can comment on any article ever written, with little to no consequences. We say things online that we would NEVER say to a friend, or in the context of a conversation. While in many ways our online existence is a blessing in communication, I think one of the negative side effects of this technology is that we have become more and more narcissistic. We seem to think that our opinion on issues actually matters more than others, and the end result- we love a little less. We become a bit more self-righteous. We stop listening to others and understanding them.

2.      I am not a writer. Some people truly have a gift with words- I realize I am not one of them.

3.      I struggle with discipline. The idea of committing to doing something every week is difficult for me to imagine accomplishing.

But, if I am going to be honest, the main reason that I have not written this a long time ago is because I have been afraid to be vulnerable. And what can be more vulnerable than sharing your thoughts with the whole world? The very thing that I criticize so often is the thing I am most afraid to do. I have to take responsibility for my opinions, thoughts, and actions. If I write something, it forces me to think through what I really think about it, and take ownership of my own opinion. And I could be wrong. People could judge me. Or worse, misunderstand me. And I HATE being wrong, judged, or misunderstood.

In his podcast, Donald Miller discusses the elements that make up a good story- a character that wants something and overcomes conflict to get it. He says that the thing that holds us back from living better stories is FEAR. Specifically, fear of conflict. Somehow this theme seems to keep coming up in my life lately. What I want more than anything in the world is to be a joyful, loving, and whole human being. I want my life to bless others. And I want to overcome my fear. Scripture tells us that “Perfect love casts out all fear.” Well, you can’t cast out fear without facing it- experiencing the conflict. So here I am. Facing my fear. I guess I’ll just consider this blog as an exercise in perfect love.