I absolutely love the New Year Holiday. Every year I sit down with my journal and I reflect back on the past year and take an honest (hopefully) assessment of my life- the joys and blessings, and the struggles and weaknesses. This year was no different. On December 31st, I sat down and wrote out my list and wrote a whole extra page of New Year's Resolutions. But by January 1st, the end of that night, I think I can honestly say that my resolution has COMPLETELY changed.
I'll be honest, I am eating a huge piece of humble pie right now. I don't want to write these words, but I need to. On New Year's Eve, I experienced a pretty depressing beginning to the New Year. I had invited my friends to celebrate by going to a nearby bar, then returning to my apartment to ring in the new year. I had done so because earlier in the week when asking people if they had any plans, the unanimous answer was "no". After suggesting this plan, several friends agreed that it sounded fun. On New Year's Eve, I cleaned my apartment, went shopping for snacks, and spent the day trying to prepare for the evening.
By the afternoon, it started becoming clear that everyone who had previously said they could come was bailing- some were legitimate reasons (needing to work early, not feeling well, etc...) but some just found something better to do. In the end, only one person who said they would attend actually did. Although I was very disappointed, I still had a great time, and was very grateful for the friendships that I do have. However, this experience has stayed on my heart for the past week.
See, to me, here is the deal. Our whole generation has a MASSIVE problem. It is called a lack of commitment. We are literally incapable of making a commitment more than a few hours before the event. We can blame the way that we were raised, or the cell phone, texting technology, but the reality is that it simply comes down to the fact that we just are not convinced that it is important anymore. And I am not just talking about the secular world here- this affects ALL of my Catholic brothers and sisters in my generation.
I fully acknowledge that I am the first one guilty of this. In fact, on New Year's day, RIGHT after this experience, I did not attend an event that I had said I would due to a lack of planning on my part.
This year, one of my resolutions was to discern marriage to my wonderful boyfriend. To be thinking about a commitment to someone for the rest of my life scares the bejesus out of me. And, it is no wonder why- I can't even decide how I want to spend my Friday night. We live in a constant fear of missing out- that something better will come along that is more fun or more cool. Well, frankly, I am tired of living this way. Because the truth is that we are called to something so much better than this- to live with integrity.
This passage from Scripture has been resounding in my head all week long. "Let your 'yes' mean 'yes' and your 'no' mean 'no.'" But, the verse that I never think about is the one that comes right after it. "Anything more is from the evil one." WHAT!?
This, my friends, is a big flippin deal. Anytime our yes means maybe we are speaking words from the evil one. I actually cannot believe it has taken me this long to realize this. I do it all the time. I say yes because I don't want to hurt someone's feelings, but really this is a SIN. Big time.
So this year, I am throwing out my list of resolutions (although hopefully I will still climb 4 14er's) and instead I am making this my resolution. I will become a woman whose yes means yes and no means no. No excuses.
What is your resolution this year?
